Left-Handers Day
is supported by:

For our Left-Handers Day celebrations a few years ago, singer/songwriter and longstanding Club member Ian Radburn offered to compose a light-hearted song, which he has performed at all our live events. The result, in the style of a folk song, was absolutely brilliant and had us all singing along with the chorus. It has often been broadcast on TV and radio shows. We are delighted to bring his song to you, and also put the amusing and poignant lyrics down for posterity. Our sincere thanks to Ian, and we hope you enjoy it.

See the bottom of this page to hear Ian performing the song himself

Left-Handers Lament by Ian Radburn

Now here's the story of my life,
I've had fun but lots of strife,
For I was born left-handed, but I'm proud
To be one of the elite, right-handers we can beat
We're the 10% that stand out from the crowd!

But as a little lad, oh the problems that I had
Winding clockwork toys was just a mystery
Tying laces was a pain, couldn't get it in my brain
Everything was back-to-front it seemed to me

Chorus
We're the Cack-Handed Kings, we're the LEFTIES
You right-handers just haven't got a clue
'Cos if you'd been through what we've been through
Then maybe you would feel superior too!

At 5 I started school where I was treated like a fool
Being left-handed I stood out from the pack
And learning how to write was not a struggle - more a fight
For I had my left hand tied behind my back

"Now get it in your head" the sympathetic teacher said
"You use the right and not the Devil's side"
Those supposed men of vision caused me pain and such derision
Is it any wonder often times I cried?

We're the Gibble Fisted Friends, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)

Time then came when my voice dropped
And my face was one big spot
But I was glad to see my teenage years arrive,
Because I use my left, I was different from the rest
And the girls saw me as something of a prize!

I learned some handy tricks in the back row of the flicks
It used to drive my girlfriends all berserk
For their eyes would keep apace of my right hand - just in case
And they never saw my left one go to work!

We're the Southpawed Princes, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)

Well I'm married now, worst luck
But my wife has given up
Asking me to help with chores like peeling spuds,
Or trying to cut the bread, I'll get a 4 x 2" wedge
Lose three fingertips and half a pint of blood

I would love to be a dad, but we've hit a little snag
If you can help please tell us what to do
The problem simply said, is that I'm a left-hand thread
But my wife you see, now she's a right-hand .....OH, YES WE'RE THE

Scrummy-Handed Heroes, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)

Now we reach today, where you stand and watch me play
And yes, I play right-handed it is true
For the very simple fact is that I've had to adapt
Something all we southpaws have to try and do

We have trouble tying ties, writing cheques out, using knives
and scissors made for use in your right hand
And when it comes to sport once again we are left short
In hockey and in polo we are banned

We're the Cuddy Wifter Winners, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)

Now I've finished off my song and as you move along
Please bear in mind the things I've had to say
And please show some respect for your friends who use the left
Thanks for listening to me this Left-Handers Day.

Copyright: Ian Radburn, 2004

If you would like to hear Ian singing the sing himself, playing acoustic guitar accompaniment, you can use the links below to open the audio file:

Windows media format (283 Kb) 8kBit/s 11kHz mono

You can also open a file with the instrumental version only, so you can sing along!

Instrumental Windows media format (230 Kb) 8kBit/s 11kHz mono

(sorry that my audio streaming skills are not up to doing it beter than this yet - if anyone can advise how best to put media likethis onto our website I would very much appreciate it - Keith, email keith@anythingleft-handed.co.uk)

next